this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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