hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
