Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
