Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
