Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
