Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My liver just broke up with me...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
