I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We left an ass print on the piano.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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