I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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