Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
