dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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