I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
false alarm, still single
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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