Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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