The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Randomize
