Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
