The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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