bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
