yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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