Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize