Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
