ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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