well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I supernannyed him into submission
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize