woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
