I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
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dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
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You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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