Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think my vagina is haunted
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
