I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
