Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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