mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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