yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
