4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
