Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
