let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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