im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
