Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
