I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
