im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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