I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Still dying that you shit outside
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
