i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
