So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
