addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
