I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
