do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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