I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
