I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
