Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
