Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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