He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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