Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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