I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Randomize
