you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
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i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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