oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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