If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
