he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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