I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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