I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
