You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
