apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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