How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
wow bdsm is so cute
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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