Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
