I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize