New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
