Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Randomize
