I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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