have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
