so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
