Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
