I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
