I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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