shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
