I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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