Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
