i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
