I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
