I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
