i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
