I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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