How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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