The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have aggressive nipples.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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