i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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