Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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