dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
