when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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