I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You pole danced in your parka.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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