literally had 100 drinks last night.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.