she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.