That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my being single is dangerous.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There r osticjed everywhere
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits