Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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