she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral