just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.