Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
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So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.