his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
